Joy Ride
The past two months have been like a Joy Ride. Not that I've ever been on one. Lol. I'm a good girl. Right, you say. Well, I used to be. Not anymore. Now, I'm a Joy Girl. This is a relatable story about how you can be a Joy Girl too.
I was doped up on prescribed medications for years. I didn't know how bad it was because I felt so numb inside.
My life was boring when I was "stable". In recent years, while I was "stable" from my chemical imbalance, labeled "bipolar I and II", I would make my bed and light a candle on my days off. I had little interest in doing anything. The highlight of my day off was doing laundry, because that made me feel good about myself. My favorite thing to do was go to the mall, where I'd use my free item Bath and Body Works coupons. That was my life.
Before I was medicated, I'd self-medicate on physical intimacy. That was slavery. I was chained to physical addiction since I was nineteen. After high school, I gave up on being the "good girl" because there was no one to impress.
I brought this baggage into my marriage at twenty-two, and it damaged my marriage. It made something that was supposed to be natural and beautiful, into a performance. We got pregnant right away and I became depressed. Not because of the baby, but because I felt miserable with morning sickness. I was so anxious, that I was afraid to get another job. My husband at the time assumed I'd get a job after the morning sickness went away; just like I assumed that our tiny wedding ceremony would be followed up by a huge wedding vow renewal ceremony months later. Well, neither happened. I stayed home and became a couch potato, watching TV all day because of boredom, depression, and anxiety. Can anyone relate?
Now, I understand that I have a unique mix of ADHD, which comes with anxiety, and some autism. I'm working on getting a diagnosis. I'm not super smart from the autism, but I do feel sharper and wittier since I stopped taking the bipolar meds. The bipolar meds made me sleepy all day long and knocked me out for twelve hours every night. I started feeling more alive when the dose was decreased by 50 mg.
That's when I met Bran. Bran was an amazingly sweet guy, but he wasn't all there. He had his own issues. I don't know if I was a pet project or a victim of mental abuse. He got me off my bipolar meds. We had four intense days of dating, then he "rubbed my feet" (literally, and you know the rest), and we eloped in Las Vegas.
That's where the Joy Riding comes into my story. Not literally, but figuratively. I was riding on joy. Joy is my middle name, if you didn't catch that already. I'm generally a happy person. But, boy, did this adventure teach me true JOY!
Yours truly,
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